Excerpt from A Splendidly Smutty Dictionary of Sex

Curious about our newest release, A Splendidly Smutty Dictionary of Sex?

Check out the excerpt below! And click here to buy your copy!

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Introduction

There have been countless books on the world’s favorite pastime. Indeed, if you Google sex books, you will find over 150 million results!

These books range from the biology and anatomy of sex, to how-to-do-it books. They range from the scholarly to the irreverent, and some with really rubbish pictures in them and some without.

But, there seems to be a glaring omission. No one has yet compiled a tongue-in-cheek dictionary of the words, thoughts and some of the very strange deeds associated with it.

But where would you start? Well, quite obviously, at the beginning.

Consider the prehistoric man, not only trying to contend with the Ice Age, living in a damp cave with no sports channels, very little food and with big scary animals trying to eat him. You would safely assume the last thing on his mind was sex.

Apparently not.

In between avoiding sabre toothed tigers and other hairy things that bite, he would spend some of his time carving things known as Venus figurines. These were Prehistoric Barbie dolls with huge breasts and with massive Kim Kardashian-like asses. These figurines, of which hundreds have survived, appear to have had no practical use whatsoever, other than be a sort of Stone-Age version of Playboy.

Much, much later, when the ancient Roman cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum were first being excavated, red-faced Victorian archaeologists with silly beards had to take continuous cold showers on discovering a treasure trove of erotic tableaux and other wonderfully smutty things.

So, despite our view that all previous generations were old-fashioned, prim and inhibited (well some were), the fact is that we as human beings have always been obsessed by sex. Wars won and lost because of it, people made rich by it and reputations ruined by it.

So join me if you will, on an alphabetical journey down the highways and byways of the world’s most popular pastime, discovering along the way such important nuggets as: life changing sexual advice from the Middle Ages, the somewhat disturbing history of the vibrator, the rather strange sex life of a future King of England and, most importantly of all, what on earth have armadillos got to do with the missionary position?

 

for Adultery

The Athenian statesman and lawgiver Solon (640–599 BC) was firmly of the opinion that adultery was a criminal offence and prostitution was certainly not.

He recommended that all prostitutes should be imported from Asia Minor and all Greek brothels were to be publicly funded and taxed. He also rather considerately fixed an early “Retail Price Index” on the prices of prostitutes, so everyone could easily afford one.

This argument against adultery was then taken up later by the first century BC Greek philosopher, Xenarchus, who said that a man had no excuse for having sex with another man’s wife because:

For here there are very pretty lasses at the brothels, whom the boys may see basking in the sun, their breasts uncovered, stripped for action and posted in battle-line; of these one may select the girl that pleases his fancy, thin or fat, tubby or tall or squat, young, old, middle-aged, over-ripe, and not be obliged to set up a ladder and climb in secretly, nor crawl in through the smoke-hole below the roof, nor be trickily carried in under a heap of straw. Not at all! For the girls themselves use force and pull them in, dubbing those who are old, Daddy, and those who are younger, Big Boy. And any one of these may be visited fearlessly, cheaply, by day, at evening, in any manner desired; but the married women you either cannot see, or if seen, you cannot see them plainly, but always in a state of tremor and fright … in fear, and carrying your life in your hands. How then, pray, O mistress Aphrodite of the Sea, can the men press their attentions too far, once they remember the laws of Draco while dandled in the woman’s embraces?

Not all Greek men, however, were enamored of prostitution, sacred or otherwise. The permanently grumpy philosopher Diogenes (412 – 323 BC) thought the habit of paying for love ridiculous, once telling a crowd that he himself “met the goddess Aphrodite everywhere, and at no expense.”

When asked what he meant, Diogenes lifted up his tunic and pretended to play with his willy.

 

for Aphrodisiacs

A candle lit dinner, soft music playing in the background… Your eyes meet, and your hands gently clasp across the table. The waiter with a knowing smile brings you the bill and then … nothing. Forget the ubiquitous blue pills, why not try some of the following?

For the Ladies

Take 20 wasp larvae and place them in one cup of sweet liquor and drink it at midday. The tonic is good for ten bouts of sex.

Mwangdui manuscript from the Han Dynasty (206 BC – 9AD)

Obtain the penis of a wild boar, then roast it until it is done. Eat it with galangal (a form of ginger) garlic, seven black pepper corns and sea salt. Then drink aged rice wine until you are drunk (!)

Smarakridalaksana(Enjoyment of Love), Bali (1899)

Find 90 of the little grubs that live on plants that give off milk, such as the thistle. Throw them in a litra (litre) of old olive oil. Leave in the sun for seven days. Rub it on your loins and between your backside.

Medicine Pertinent to the Infirmities of Women,Giovanni Marinello (1563)

A woman wets immediately if she is sprinkled with powder made from two teeth of a King, mixed with the two wings from a bee, powdered, and a petal blown by the wind from a funeral wreath.

Kamaledhiplava(Boat in the Sea of Love), India (c.16thcentury)

For the Gentlemen

A man who would wish to acquire vigour for coition may melt down fat from the hump of a camel, and rub his member with it, just before the act; it will then perform wonders, and the woman will praise it for its work.

Perfumed Garden of Sheik Nefzaoul, Muhammed al-Nafzawi (beginning of the16thcentury)

You will need:

20 chestnuts

4 oz pistachios

Ragwort

Cinnamon

Cubebs (a tailed pepper)

Sugar

Boil them all down to an elixir. Then drink.

La Ciruga,Dr. Leonardo Fioravanti (1570)

There is one drug brought from the East Indies, the Cannabis Indica, which is the most regular in its action and produces the most constant beneficial effects on anything yet tried. It appears to act as a special nervous stimulant, exciting that part of the brain which influences the sexual organs, so that they feel directly an increase of power. I do not hesitate to say that I have seen more restoration to sexual power and more cures of sterility in both senses from the use of this product than from any other means and I do not hesitate to pronounce it, in certain cases, an infallible remedy.

The Male Generative Organs in Health and Disease, Frederick Hollick (1848)

The best aphrodisiacs are rest, boredom, sleep and red meat — followed by wine, prosperity, music and pleasant surroundings

The Cabinet of Venus Unlock’d, Giovanni Sinabaldi (1658)

 

A for Aphrodisiac Users

Advice on starting your engine from the famous and infamous through the ages.

Aristotle (384 – 322 BC), Greek philosopher:

When not sitting still and philosophising, he would recommend the use of oil of peppermint to stimulate sexual desire. To reduce the libido, he also suggested walking long distances through the hills barefoot.

Pliny (23 – 79AD), Roman naturalist and author:

He came up with this rather obvious suggestion that in order to fan the flames of lust: Why not to eat a hyena’s eye with a dash of dill?

Niccolo Machiavelli (1469 – 1527), Italian statesman:

Whilst taking a break from plotting, he swore by the aphrodisiac powers of the mandrake plant. He even wrote a not particularly amusing comedy, LaMandragola (1524), in its honor.

Giovanni Casanova (1725 – 1798), Italian libertine:

The patron saint of shagging attributed much of his spectacular sexual energy to the fact that he always ate 50 oysters for breakfast every morning.

Captain James Cook (1728 – 1779), English explorer:

Before being killed by angry Hawaiians, Cook feasted every morning on a special, aphrodisiac dish of fresh shrimp. He often boasted that he could take on ten native girls a day. Perhaps that was the reason for the angry Hawaiians.

Madame Du Barry (1743 – 1793), Mistress of Louis XV:

She tried to keep Louis XV in her thrall by feeding him foods that would make him weak with lust: sweetbreads, venison, pheasant cooked in white wine, truffles, capon in sherry broth, to name just a few.

Mae West (1892 – 1980), Actress:

The legendary sex queen recommended eating almonds to increase one’s sex drive.

 

A for Armadillos

All through the Middle Ages, the Catholic Church, through its priests and bishops, consistently preached that there was only one form of marital sex: husband above and wife below; and it was only for procreation. But, “What about the armadillos?” I hear you ask. Read on, and all will be revealed.

Meanwhile, back in the Middle Ages, foreplay was frowned upon, oral sex was forbidden, and God help you if you got up to anything else. There were a number of Medieval “how to do it properly in the eyes of the Lord” handbooks which gave priests advice on what penance to give out when a couple strayed from “the missionary position”. Hands to naughty bits was generally the most minor offence, while oral sex was more taboo, and a guaranteed first-class ticket to hell was anal sex — “from behind like beasts” —which, over time, evolved into a capital offence.

On the subject of handbooks, it is generally believed that the first European sex manual was Speculum al foderiknown as The Mirror of Coitus, or popularly known at the time as “a mirror for fuckers”. This was a fifteenth century Catalan text which was discovered with great excitement by sweaty palmed academics in the 1970s.

In Pierre Payer’s 1985 book Sex and the Penitentials, he produces a wonderful chart showing when sex was technically allowed in the Middle Ages. You were not allowed to have intercourse when the wife was menstruating, pregnant, nursing, during holidays, Wednesdays (?), Fridays, Saturdays or Sundays, in daylight, naked or in church. And, most importantly of all, sex was not for fun; if you did indulge it was only to conceive a child and absolutely, definitely, without any kissing.

The missionary position, despite its image of prudery, has been used since time began. The missionary position’s use appears in ancient pottery and in the art of early Greeks, Romans, Indians, Chinese and Japanese. The majority of the positions described in the Kama Sutra involve the woman lying on her back with her legs in a variety of positions.

Apparently the ancient Chinese preferred male-on-top because of their belief that males are born face down and women face up. But the Kagaba natives in Colombia preferred the missionary position because if the woman moved during intercourse, the earth would slip off the shoulders of the four giants who held it.

In Greece, the missionary position was very rarely used. As men tended to marry very young girls, typically only14 or 15 years of age, there tended to be a significant difference in height. Therefore, as illustrations on pottery of the time suggest, the rear-entry standing position was the way to go.

However, during the second century, the Greek philosopher and interpreter of dreams, Artemidos, praised the missionary position declaring it “the only proper and natural” position due to the flow of semen as well as affirming the domination of men over women.

Others who were adamant that the “missionary” way was the only way included Alexander of Hales (1185 – 1245) (a medieval scholastic and theologian, who suggested in his De secretis mulierum that non-missionary positions would result in birth defects) and Nicholas Venette (author of a late eighteenth century sex manual that praised the missionary position as the “common posture … which is most allowable and most voluptuous”.)

And it also appears that the missionary position is the one favored by armadillos.

 

for Arm Pit

A fetish for armpits is known as maschalagnia and, although it is pretty weird, it is not as strange as it sounds. In 2007, The Journal of Neuroscience had an article in which scientists showed that male sweat contains a compound capable of heightening sexual arousal. It went by the rather snappy name of Androstadienone

A century earlier, the acclaimed French physician Charles Fere (1852 – 1907) describes a patient’s peculiar predilection in his book L’instinct Sexuel (1902):

It was twenty years ago, I used to hunt with a man already in his sixties, very healthy, without any apparent defects and whose family didn’t present any grave neuropathic traits. This man had the habit of pestering girls and women, sometimes even quite old women, in a manner that surprised me greatly. He attacked only women who worked in the fields, in short sleeved shirts. He would creep close enough to them so that he could put his hand in their armpit. Once he had achieved his goal, which baffled his victims, he would leave satisfied. But for a long time, he would lift his contaminated hand to his nose with an expression of rapt joy.

On asking him why he did such a thing. He answered me as though it was the most natural thing in the world. “It is a smell that resurrects me and makes Lazurus ready for a long bout”.

He then told me that when he was young, the women whose juices had the ripest scent were capable of inspiring him to perform amazing sexual exploits, and that during recent year they were the only ones who could give him an erection.

Is that why you always see small groups of furtive men in raincoats at the finish line of Women Marathons?

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New Release: A Splendidly Smutty Dictionary of Sex by Simon Leyland

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A Splendidly Smutty Dictionary of Sex

Simon Leyland

A humorous, fact-filled romp through the ages which explores the peculiar sex lives of the famous and the not-so famous—not excluding the history of vibrators, Hitler’s sex life, how Columbus discovered the clitoris, and the rather odd relationship between foreskins and perfume.

Did you know that women never wore knickers until the late 18th century? That Cleopatra reputedly invented the first vibrator? The rather odd history of the condom? What it means to give someone a green gown—and who was the first person to join the mile-high club?

Within this paean to the world’s favourite pastime, you will discover:

  • The “perils of self-pollution”
  • Why Popes had to have their scrotums felt
  • What Buckinger’s boot and Omar the tent maker are
  • The whereabouts of John Dillinger’s dong and Rasputin’s rump splitter
  • What does “to arrive at the end of a sentimental journey” mean?
  • How do you restore your virginity?

You’ll find the answers to these questions, as well as handy Medieval sex tips—and let’s not forget the woman who had 130 orgasms in an hour.

And while we’re at it, what on earth does the armadillo got to do with the missionary position?

A Splendidly Smutty Dictionary of Sex covers an array of historical characters and their sex lives—from Chaucer to Wallis Simpson, from Rockefeller to a future king of England. Together with the definitive histories of vibrators, the merkin and the word “f–k” amongst others, this is the must have book of the year!

A Splendidly Smutty Dictionary of Sex releases in ebook and paperback on Tuesday, January 8, 2019!

Purchase your ebook copy now:

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New Release: New York Heat

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New York Heat

The Go-Go Boys of Club 21 #1

Cameron D. James

When tragedy threatens to pull the community of Club 21 apart, new owner Dan realizes just how strong the strength of love runs in the nightclub family.

Club 21 is New York City’s hottest gay nightclub. The drinks are cheap, the music is infectious, and the go-go boys are the stuff of dreams.

For Dan, it’s where his life will forever change. With his signature on the dotted line, he goes from bartender to owner. And with that change, he realizes that both his responsibilities and his stress have skyrocketed.

Club 21 is home. The staff are family. Like a mama bear, Dan is fiercely protective of his clients and his staff, especially his go-go boys, whose carefree dancing inspires Dan to make Club 21 the best it can be.

Especially Ken, once a fling, now the love of his life. There’s so much that needs to get done at Club 21, but Dan is terrified that all the long evenings will drive his young go-go boy lover away. Dan doesn’t want to lose him, but if anything ever happened to his staff—his family—Dan would never forgive himself…

Content warning: New York Heat contains a scene of mass violence and the death of a main character.

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New Release: The Weeping Forest

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The Weeping Forest

The Princess Chronicles #1

James Missaglia

When Julieta is captured by her enemies, she is handed over to a sadistic countess with one aim—to use pleasure and pain to turn the demure princess into a pleasure slave for the sadistic warlord who burned her city.

Princess Julieta cannot believe the sight of her land burning to the ground. Nor can she believe what the invading force has planned for her—a place in the enemy lord’s harem. Captured, she is to be sexually broken, trained as a pleasure slave skilled in the arts of submission and oral pleasure by the Countess Arianne.

Aiding in her debauchery is Malbeon, a knight trusted by the lord to complete this task. However, leading her through the deadly Weeping Forest has caused an unforeseen consequence for them both. Julieta cannot ignore the burning desire for her captor, and Malbeon cannot fight the pull he feels toward the princess.

As the Countess uses Malbeon to introduce Julieta to a new world full of depraved pleasures, they find it harder to deny their growing need for each other. Especially when finding themselves enmeshed in the sexual games of bondage and pain. Will Julieta eventually break, being handed over to a new master? Or, will Malbeon decide that he wants the princess for himself?

The Weeping Forest is a 40,000-word novella.

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New Release: Blissful Surrender

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Blissful Surrender: Running From The Shadow

Shadow of the Leopard

M.C. Fields

An MMA fighter brazenly pursues her reluctant instructor, not realizing he possesses a dark, destructive power.

Justin is a Mixed Martial Arts instructor who has been enlisted by the ruling Mohawk Matriarchs to help protect the most vulnerable women in their community. Since then he has devoted his life to empowering women.

Marie is a free-spirited aircraft mechanic determined to live life to the fullest. And she’s Justin’s student.

Justin is the best martial arts instructor Marie has ever had. He is also the subject of her raunchy sexual fantasies. Unfettered by the traditional roles of women in society, she’s unafraid to show Justin what she wants, but he’s having none of it.

After Justin saves her from being attacked, Marie realizes her feelings go deeper than sexual attraction alone. She knows that Justin is reluctant to have sex with a student but pursues him brazenly nonetheless. But she doesn’t know that Justin is guarded for another reason: he is able to call up the Shadow of the Leopard, a mysterious force that once led him to kill two cops.

As the attraction between them intensifies, Justin is forced to make a decision: keep walking the tightrope he is on, or surrender to Marie and risk putting the school in jeopardy or even worse….

Blissful Surrender is a 31,000-word novella.

Blissful Surrender releases on Tuesday November 27, 2018!

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New Release: Gargoyle’s Embrace

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Gargoyle’s Embrace

Polar Nights #3

Siryn Sueng

The mysteries that are building in the deep snows of Tromsø seem to never end—including how Auren knows a certain incubus, and perhaps the reason why the fae have come so far north…

As the owner of a high-profile exotics bar for the supernatural, Krystalf is used to attention. Being the son of wealthy and powerful parents and a formidable second-tier mage himself, Krystalf is also used to being the target of petty humans looking for a healthy ransom. Luckily, his life in Tromsø, Norway is usually quite peaceful.

Then…the fae arrived. After a brutal attack, Krystalf is left shaken as he witnesses for the first time how powerful they are. And at how helpless he truly is against them.

For the devilishly-handsome Auren, a gargoyle from Cara, Egypt, finding his mate was the last thing on his mind.  He’s been painstakingly hunting the host of fae who attacked his home. That hunt leads him straight to the arms—and heart—of the mysterious mage, Krystalf. Yet, more questions than answers arise once Auren sets foot in Tromsø.  Questions regarding how Auren knows a certain incubus—and perhaps the reason why the fae have come so far north…

Gargoyle’s Embrace is 24,000-word novella.

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New Release: The Drag Queen of the Opera

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The Drag Queen of the Opera

Tales of Monsterotica #5

Justin MacCormack

A Parisian opera house is under siege by a villainous and musical ghost, and the only person that can stop the fiend’s plans is renowned monster-shagger Jonathan Woodcock.

Lights! Stage! Action!

Upon arriving in Paris, Jonathan Woodcock was hoping for a chance to relax from his arduous travels across Europe and put his numerous sexual experiences with the forces of darkness behind him.

But he soon learns that the local opera house is under siege by a villainous and musical ghost, a spectral haunter with plans to steal the limelight all for itself—and it has its eyes set on poor Mr Woodcock!

It seems that Jonathan’s days as an experienced monster-shagger are to be tested once more—but will he be able to evade the lure of the stage and don his sheer silk panties (yes, you read that right, and he looks so good in them!) for the right cause? Or will he be enthralled by the Phantom like so many others before him?

The Drag Queen of the Opera is a 15,000-word novella.

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Need to catch up on the adventures of Jonathan Woodcock?

Start here:

Tales of Monsterotica Volume One (contains books 1-3)

Bite of the Queerwolf (book 5)

Excerpt: First Watch

first-watch

A lover. A serial killer. Both will push her to her limits.

First Watch, an erotic thriller from MW Benjamin, is now available in paperback and ebook.

Here’s a little teaser to whet your appetite.

She got up from the bed and walked to the floor-to-ceiling penthouse window, wrapping the sheet around her naked body as she went. He had excused himself to the bathroom after they made love and she could hear the faucet running from behind the door off the master bedroom. The city spread out underneath her like a spider web filled with fireflies blinking out an SOS that no one would ever respond to. She examined her reflection in the window, and it made her smile. Her hair was mussed in that just fuckedkind of way. She hadn’t seen it like that in years.

The man in the bathroom wasn’t her husband, and she knew she should feel bad about that, even guilty, but she didn’t. In fact, it was just the opposite. They’d only known each other for a few short weeks, but she’d never felt happier in her entire life. She was wealthy beyond comprehension, and it had once meant so much to her. Until she met him, that was. Everything melted away when he smiled at her, like they were the only two people on the planet. What was amazing, and terrifying in its own way, was that she knew he felt the same way. They cared for each other.

Very deeply.

Very truly.

It was love that had brought her to his apartment tonight. Love that had driven her to do things over the course of their relationship that she thought she’d never do in her entire life. He empowered her. She felt strong with him, but vulnerable at the same time. She felt like she could take on the world, but only if he was by her side. He was her rock, a lighthouse in the stormy waters of life. She would do anything for him. He was decades younger but, with him, she felt like age was nothing more than a number.

The water in the bathroom stopped running and the door creaked as it opened slowly. She didn’t even notice. She was deep in thought about the path her life had been set on since meeting such an amazing man. It wasn’t until he came to stand behind her, his naked body against hers, that she realized he was there.

“It’s a beautiful view, isn’t it, doll?” he asked her softly. Her husband had tried pet names with her, but she hated them. They made her feel like a child. With him, it was different. They made her feel warm and welcome, loved beyond measure.

“Yes,” she answered, leaning gently back into him, “it is.” They had just finished making love, but she wanted nothing more than to have him pull the sheet away and take her back to bed. From the way he was hardening against her backside, she could tell he was thinking the same thing.

He nuzzled into the nape of her neck, kissing her gently. She could feel heat spreading through her body every time his lips touched her skin. His strong hands wrapped around her waist and slid up her stomach. Those hands alone had made her feel truly alive for the first time in years.

“I love you,” he whispered in her ear. “Always remember that.”

“I will,” she breathed.

He kissed her one last time just under her ear. “Goodnight, doll.”

The last thing she saw were his strong hands pressing a damp rag firmly over her mouth. For an instant, she struggled, the sharp tang of chemicals in her nostrils.

And then there was nothing.

~ * ~

My morning jog through Washington Park was usually the highlight of my day. There isn’t much that’s more liberating about a good run in the early morning hours right before the sun starts to rise. Out there in the darkness, the mind wanders, gets lost, takes a vacation. The menial day-to-day issues melt away into nothingness. Work-related stress seems like it’s a million miles away. All that exists is you and the world working in perfect synchronicity. The patter of feet on pavement mixes with the calls of the early morning birds that are literally out to get the worm. There aren’t many other people on the paths so early, and it feels like the world belongs to me for just a moment; like it was made just for me. Ridiculous, I know.

During the summer, Wash Park was a really beautiful place to go for a run. Unfortunately, it was mid-October and the summer majesty had faded into the bleakness that always comes with the approaching winter. The temperature had started getting lower over the past couple of weeks, and each breath I took billowed into the air like a cheap imitation of a puff of cigarette smoke. I was happy I brought my jacket along. It was bloody freezing out for a Colorado October morning.

Just when I started feeling the zen of an early morning run, the phone in my jacket pocket began trilling out an obnoxious melody, ripping me from the moment. The ring tone was annoying, but I liked it a lot more than the other options that came on the phone. I pulled it from my pocket without slowing my pace. The picture associated with the number showed me a familiar face, albeit a grumpy one. He wasn’t happy about me snapping a quick picture for such a purpose, but he couldn’t say much once it was done.

“Sarah Thomas,” I answered professionally, exactly how he expected me to. I was a little annoyed by how winded I sounded.

“Hate to interrupt your morning run, Thomas,” the captain apologized, passively commenting on my heavy breathing. His voice was gruff, like a lifelong smoker. To my knowledge, he’d never smoked a single cigarette. “I need you down at Speer and Lawrence immediately.”

There were two different meanings to immediatelyin his dictionary. The first meant: Get there when you can, but I say “immediately” because there’s someone important within earshot. The second meant: You should have been there before I even called.Unfortunately, he was using the second definition this time. That almost always spelled trouble for me, at the very least, if not the whole department.

“On my way,” I told him and ended the call. I was on the opposite side of the park as my car, so I turned off the path and cut through the grass to get back as quickly as possible. Since I was wearing workout clothes instead of something more work appropriate I was going to have to go home first and shower. The captain had been insistent, but he hated poor hygiene in his detectives more than he hated tardiness. He’d forgive me for taking a few extra minutes, so long as I smelled pleasant.

I had started making decent money once I made detective, but I still couldn’t bring myself to let go of my old ’97 Dodge Neon. The deep green paint was flaking in more than a few spots, and there was a massive crack across the windshield, but I’d had it for as long as I could remember. It was as much a part of me as my hair or toenails. I jiggled the handle to get the driver’s side door open and climbed in, firing the engine up with a turn of the key. The radio was tuned to the local top forty station, and something far more electronic than was necessary so early in the morning was blasting out of the speakers. I turned down the music and did a quick illegal U-turn out of my parking space, heading back toward home.

I lived in a small brick house on Downing Avenue on the opposite side of Interstate 25 from the park. It was an old house with enough problems to drive anyone crazy, but this was where people my age lived when they were single and wanting to be close to the social life of Downtown Denver, or at least that’s what I was told. I hadn’t had much time for a social life over the last few years, but I loved that house and I wasn’t planning on leaving. It was more than enough room for me, and if I ever found the time to go on a date and that went well enough to build into a marriage and a family, it would still provide plenty of room. If there was more than one kid, though, they’d probably have to sleep on the porch.

I had a tendency to see further along than men typically did when it came to relationships, though. That’s usually what ruined them. I would analyze what our future would be like together. Some men had habits and traits that I knew I could never live with. Others were so perfect, I couldn’t not picture us together forever. Either way, those visions would slowly tear the relationship to pieces and leave me broken hearted or even more reticent of the next man that came along. When I made detective, I had decided to put a hold on my love life so I could concentrate on work. I hadn’t had a date in almost two years. Sex was even more infrequent. I’ll spare you the depressing details.

I was greeted by modern furniture from IKEA and hardwood floors when I walked through the front door. A couple of knick-knacks and a TV rounded out the ensemble. I didn’t care much for television other than one or two of the classics that would air on Nick at Nite. When you’re a homicide detective, you get to see what an ugly world truly exists outside your front door. It’s nice to be able to escape from that reality into one where murder and crime don’t really exist.

I walked through the master bedroom to the master bath, which was only slightly larger than a walk-in closet. I stripped down to my sports bra and underwear and turned on the hot water. I brushed my teeth while the water got to a comfortable temperature, peeled off the last pieces of clothing, and got into the shower, careful not to get my hair wet. I was in something of a rush, so I was going to have to leave it in the ponytail I had pulled it into before my run.

Click here to buy your copy.

Excerpt: All Together Now

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All Together Now is a bundle of smoking-hot stories from Gemma Stone. From rocker chicks to business women to sex bots, this bundle has it all!

Here’s an excerpt from Automatic Lover, a story about a woman encountering a sex bot:

“Hello again, Cindi,” said TOM as she finally activated the robot, bit her lip, and hoped for the best.

“Good evening, TOM,” replied Cindi. “How are you feeling?”

“All the better for seeing you,” grinned TOM. He blinked his eyes and rose from the chair in a very fluid, effortless movement before he crossed the room to stand in front of Cindi. Her eyes followed his and he now stood within touching distance from her.  Already Cindi could smell his musky male aftershave, but she knew that the scent was also as manufactured as the robot itself.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment. I remembered how very beautiful you are and, if anything, you look even more lovely than the image I’ve been storing in my memory bank.”

It sounded corny, but it was just the sort of thing that was going to win Cindi over and she could feel a tingle of anticipation rippling inside her pussy as if TOM had also pressed the right button. Cindi could feel her pulse quicken, and her breathing falter.

“Flatterer,” whispered Cindi, as she began to warm to this new man in her bedroom. Looking at the flush in TOM’s cheeks, she could see he was warming up too.

“May I touch you, Cindi?” breathed TOM, as he raised his arm towards her.

“Yes … please.”

“Your skin is so soft,” said TOM as he placed a white finger on her dark face and traced the outline of her full lips. As he did so, Cindi realised that he felt as warm as a real man as his skin touched hers. Losing herself in the moment, Cindi kissed his finger then flicked it with her tongue as she continued to fall into the two fathomless wells of his emerald-colored eyes.

“May I undress you?”  asked TOM, clearly sensing the intimacy that was developing.

“You may.”

TOM leaned towards Cindi, kissed her cheek and ran his fingers around the back of her neck to release the fitting of her halter-neck top. With a swift, smooth movement, TOM lifted the garment over her head, leaving her standing in just a white lacy bra, a short skirt, and white fishnet tights. She had dressed for the occasion and now there was no going back. Cindi gasped as she felt TOM slip his hand over one of her breasts and squeeze it gently through the gossamer fabric.

“You have beautiful breasts, Cindi,” breathed TOM.

“For your eyes only, tonight, my lover.”

“And tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is another day.”

“Is that the best I can hope for?”

“Ask me tomorrow,” teased Cindi with an enigmatic smile. “For now, let’s just make some memories tonight.”

“Hello again, Cindi,” said TOM as she finally activated the robot, bit her lip, and hoped for the best.

“Good evening, TOM,” replied Cindi. “How are you feeling?”

“All the better for seeing you,” grinned TOM. He blinked his eyes and rose from the chair in a very fluid, effortless movement before he crossed the room to stand in front of Cindi. Her eyes followed his and he now stood within touching distance from her.  Already Cindi could smell his musky male aftershave, but she knew that the scent was also as manufactured as the robot itself.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment. I remembered how very beautiful you are and, if anything, you look even more lovely than the image I’ve been storing in my memory bank.”

It sounded corny, but it was just the sort of thing that was going to win Cindi over and she could feel a tingle of anticipation rippling inside her pussy as if TOM had also pressed the right button. Cindi could feel her pulse quicken, and her breathing falter.

“Flatterer,” whispered Cindi, as she began to warm to this new man in her bedroom. Looking at the flush in TOM’s cheeks, she could see he was warming up too.

“May I touch you, Cindi?” breathed TOM, as he raised his arm towards her.

“Yes … please.”

“Your skin is so soft,” said TOM as he placed a white finger on her dark face and traced the outline of her full lips. As he did so, Cindi realised that he felt as warm as a real man as his skin touched hers. Losing herself in the moment, Cindi kissed his finger then flicked it with her tongue as she continued to fall into the two fathomless wells of his emerald-colored eyes.

“May I undress you?”  asked TOM, clearly sensing the intimacy that was developing.

“You may.”

TOM leaned towards Cindi, kissed her cheek and ran his fingers around the back of her neck to release the fitting of her halter-neck top. With a swift, smooth movement, TOM lifted the garment over her head, leaving her standing in just a white lacy bra, a short skirt, and white fishnet tights. She had dressed for the occasion and now there was no going back. Cindi gasped as she felt TOM slip his hand over one of her breasts and squeeze it gently through the gossamer fabric.

“You have beautiful breasts, Cindi,” breathed TOM.

“For your eyes only, tonight, my lover.”

“And tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is another day.”

“Is that the best I can hope for?”

“Ask me tomorrow,” teased Cindi with an enigmatic smile. “For now, let’s just make some memories tonight.”

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